It Couldn't Be
by Anagram RMX
Summary: Ward mourns when Fitz gets killed on a mission...but he might not actually be dead. Fitzward


Written for a tumblr prompt.

Ward fell numbly onto his bunk.

He knew his shoulders were burning, and that he had scraped the shit out of his hands on the mission, but he barely felt them. His physical injuries were the least of his problems.

For him, it should have been an easy mission. Get in, grab the target, get out.

The security system was the problem, only hackable from the inside. With Skye still on probation, Fitz had been chosen to tag along, and at the time, Ward was pretty happy about the decision. Even if Fitz wasn't trained for Recovery, Ward liked having him around more than he should have, and was happy for the company on a job that was this simple.

At least until the guards did an unscheduled sweep.

He and Fitz had been so close that Ward felt the ripple of air as the bullet hit. It could have easily been him instead of the scientist. Easily.

It took Ward thirty seconds to take out the remaining guards, and then three more to drop back to Fitz' side to check the damage. The severity hit him like a brick to the back of the head, and he threw Fitz over his shoulders before he made another thought.

He didn't remember exactly how they got out. The only thing he had been able to focus on was the scientist in his arms. At first Fitz had babbled a little, trying to keep himself calm while making Ward even more anxious, but his chatter died out before they reached the entrance, and he was barely awake when they reached the extraction team.

The on staff paramedics had swept Fitz from him without any pleasantries, immediately checking the wound and his vitals. Ward hovered over them the entire time, glaring at practically anyone who tried to talk to him as he watched and prayed, hoping that Fitz would be alright.

He wasn't, though.

As soon as they called it, Ward felt like his heart stopped.

Another team came in. The body was taken away, Coulson ordered him back to the BUS to tell the others the news.

Ward kept his mind on the task at hand as he drove back, pushing away any thoughts of the teammate he had just lost. He had a job to do, and he knew that the second he thought about Fitz' stupid accent or the relationship they didn't have, he would fall apart.

When he reached the BUS, he told the others what had happened in a dead voice. May, of course, took it with a solemn nod. Skye did the opposite, and ran to the bathroom when it really hit her. They heard her vomit. Then they heard her cry.

Simmons reaction was weird. She had looked at him for two seconds before saying "No," and walked to the garage like she hadn't even heard him. He presumed that she didn't believe him, or maybe that was how she grieved.

With his job done, the only thing he could think to do was go to his bunk. The second he hit the bed, though, there was nothing to stop the thoughts he had been blocking.

He should have been able to protect Fitz.

He shouldn't have had Fitz there in the first place.

He had endangered Fitz because he wanted to be near him. Because of some stupid crush.

He would never get to see him again, and never see what may have happened between them...

It took a while for him to realize that he had started crying silently, but by that time it was too late to stop himself. No matter how many shaky breaths he took, the tears kept coming, and after a while, he didn't care. He had just gotten Fitz killed. Crying about it was all he could do at this point.

For a few hours he kept laying there, crying on and off. At some point his phone rang, and when he saw Coulson's name on the caller ID, he turned it off. He couldn't bear to hear the official debriefing of Fitz death.

A few minutes later, Skye knocked on the door. Her voice was excited, anxious. Something like that. Ward couldn't bear to face her either, and despite his training, hid underneath his blankets to pretend he wasn't there.

He eventually managed to crawl out of his bunk and eat something, but he crawled back to bed shortly after.

He knew he should have been handling this better. He was trained for death, after all. The death of a comrade was something to be expected, and it wasn't like it was the first time.

But Fitz wasn't just a comrade. Not to Ward, anyway. He was a friend, and he made Ward smile when he started babbling about the DWARFs or monkeys or whatever. He had wanted to protect Ward as much as Ward wanted to protect him, and Ward had found himself falling in love with him.

He couldn't say he had actually been planning on telling Fitz any of that, though.

It stung to know that he would never be able to.

Five or six hours after Skye had tried to get him, he heard footsteps in the corridor. He presumed that maybe Coulson and Simmons had returned, and decided to ignore it.

Someone knocked.

He ignored that too, and tossed a blanket over his head. It was probably Skye, or Coulson, or maybe even May. He didn't want to talk to them...

"Ward?"

Immediately, he pulled the blanket back down and snapped to attention. That voice was...it couldn't be...

There was another knock. "Ward? Ah, I don't know if you turned your phone off or..."

It was the same voice. Ward rushed to the door and practically ripped it open, only to freeze when he saw Fitz standing in front of him.

Fitz, who was supposed to be dead. But apparently wasn't, because he was standing there awkwardly and looking at Ward in concern. He was pale, and he looked tired, like death warmed over, actually.

Ward swallowed hard and just stared at him. "H...how..."

For a few seconds, Fitz just stared back, but he smiled a tiny bit. "I don't know?" He muttered shakily. "Simmons did something with...something. I was zoning in and out when she explained it, so it's a little foggy. You...you weren't at the hospital when..."

For about two seconds, Ward kept his composure before pulling Fitz towards him, because apparently he wasn't dead, and it wasn't too late. His instincts tried to yell at him that he should be sure this was actually Fitz or that he wasn't hallucinating, but he didn't care. Fitz was alive and that was all that mattered to him right now.

Fitz went stiff with shock when Ward pulled him into his chest. It took a moment before he relaxed, and hugged him back. "Hey...you can at least act like you missed me..." He joked.

Ward squeezed him without thinking about it. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry-I-"

"Ward, what do you mean you're sorry? It wasn't your fault..."

"But I let you...I should have...you shouldn't have..."

"Ward...Ward breathe..." Fitz muttered, gently pulling out of Wards arms to look at him. "You didn't do..." There was a moment of quiet as he trailed off. "Have...have you been crying?"

And while he didn't care earlier, Ward cared now about how he had been crying. He looked down and shook his head a little. He moved a hand to wipe his eyes, but Fitz caught it before he could reach.

Ward looked back up, and felt his face heat up when he saw that Fitz was looking right at him while holding his hand. He looked worried again.

"Have...you been crying over me?"

Ward opened his mouth, and wanted to deny it. Instead he said, "That's what you do when someone you love dies."

His voice was shaky, and defensive, but it was true. His eyes started welling up again, and Fitz gaze softened. He took a step closer to Ward.

"Hey...it's alright..." He breathed incredulously. "I'm right here..." He dropped Ward's hand and wrapped his arms around him. Ward pulled him closer again, and closed his eyes tight.

To his surprise, he felt a kiss on his cheek. He blinked in shock, and pulled away just enough so that he could look Fitz in the face. The engineer smiled at him.

Ward's chest swelled and he didn't think before pulling Fitz in and kissing him back.


End file.
